The best don't die Young
by Faith in yourself
Summary: The Jackson we expect, want and deserve...   Enjoy 8D


The best don't die young

**[The Jackson we expect, want and deserve...Enjoy 8D]**

"There you go, all set up...just don't go talking into that thing all night! You've had a busy day love, you need your rest, Aaron's taking you to the coast tomorrow, all that sea air can knock you out for the count, not too long tonight eh?" Hazel fussed, fluffing his pillows up before she headed upstairs.

"I won't" Jackson said rolling his eyes "just a quick update then I'll turn in...well, just turn me head over" Jackson joked.

Hazel brushed her lips onto his stubbly cheek, giggling softly at her son's humour, even if it is a bit sick!

"Well make sure it is quick, Aaron wants you wide awake bright and early tomorrow, he'll be here for 8:00 o'clock on the dot, so you need to be ready, Joe will be here for 7...night love"

"Night mum"

Jackson waited until she was out of ear shot, before getting started...

"Camera on...

god I look rough" Jackson said to himself, catching sight of his reflection on screen.

"Still, Joe will sort that out in the morning, he's no miracle worker mind, and he doesn't always get my beard how I want it, but he tries his best...can't ask for much more than that can I?

Speaking of which, it's coming up to 3 months soon, 3 months since I promised Aaron I would try, try to enjoy what's left"

Jackson turned away from his reflection, he couldn't say what he had to say to himself, not with his own eyes on him, questioning him.

It was much easier to try and disengage, to disconnect for a moment, and to tell someone...or something, what was on his mind who couldn't tell him he was wrong, that what he is feeling is mistaken, that the thoughts inside his head are sinful, criminal, ort to be illegal!

It just felt...sort of nice, being able to offload, share the burden with the air, and not hurt anyone he loved in the process.

Sharing his guilt with the atmosphere, releasing the shameful bouts of depression that needs to remain quiet and hidden from people, no one ever can know...

And no one will ever know, not really, not how bad Jackson's beliefs have become, he has lost his body, it's only right that he loses his mind to...now everything is in sync, no mind, no body... any offers for his soul?

No...his heart and soul were still intact...

They belonged to Aaron.

Aaron had them, always had, always will. That's why he can never know, that Jackson can be this way, that he can feel this way...

...

"My glory days seem light years ago, Bar West just isn't the same.

Some days it feels like this is all I've known all my life, like I've been sick forever. Like I'm tied and bound to this bed, and sort of like, all of the lights have been blown out, leaving me in the dark.

Everything has changed, there's nothing left that's real.

When life pushes you apart...it's hard to feel whole.

I lie here, trying to make up my own ending of this nightmare.

I just want somebody to tell me where to go, somebody to tell me what to say, somebody to tell me how to feel. But I know no one can make this go away...

But I'm the only one who can make this depression to go away, I just don't know how"

Jackson fought back the tears, they can't come anymore, he's worked out that there no good, they don't do what they supposed to...a bit like his body.

The tears don't offer any release, they just tell the world that he can't cope, that the problems are more than skin deep. He already has enough sympathy for the life that was stole from him, he doesn't want them all knowing that he's dead on the inside too!

Jackson blinked hard, stopping the tears in their tracks, the water had no choice but to turn back, they aren't ever coming through here again...Jackson will make sure of that!

He turned his head back to his camera, ready to face this, ready to make a change, for the first time in his _new_ life...

"I had a dream the other night, a really weird one.

I haven't dreamt in a long time.

When I used to dream, they were always about stuff that I thought about during the day, but just for a split second. I used to think that maybe my dreams were signs that I should of thought about certain things more...then maybe they wouldn't disrupt the dreams everybody wants to dream about, like having a big house, loads of money. Things that everybody wants, but don't need.

Me, I just wanna dream I'm a builder again.

And watch my incredibly sexy boyfriend working, with the sun on the back of my neck, radio in the back ground.

I couldn't, wouldn't ask for anything more.

...

In this dream I had the other night, my wheelchair wasn't in sight, thank god!

I was stood on a box, in the middle of this empty room, I couldn't feel anything still, I couldn't move.

My mind kept urging my feet to move forward, desperately trying to move my arms.

And then this, man I suppose, this man appeared in front of me. I couldn't see his face, just his mouth, it was a hard thin line, he sounded old. Or like his voice was tired from shouting or something. His clothes were black, they blended in with the back ground...typical of my dreams, nothing is ever as it seems!

He didn't do anything at first, I don't know if he was staring at me, I couldn't see his eyes.

After a while, he asked me casually

'_So, where's your passion, where's your fire tonight?'_

I went to speak, to ask him what he meant...but no logical sound came out, just distortion, like a really bad reception car radio.

And he started laughing, before telling me...

'_you're not making sense mate, but then again, you have not been making sense for a long time have you?'_

I went to speak again, and the same thing happened, it was just noise, no words.

'_The best don't die young, the best do no such thing..._

_The best fight, fight if not for themselves, for the ones who are on their side, the ones they love. _

_You can do this...you really can...'_

Then he was gone.

Gone, as quickly as he came.

Then I woke up.

I woke up, to a bad dream. And I realised that I was too tired to be fighting, I'm not the fighting kind, not anymore.

I wanted to believe that, if somebody set my body on fire...it will make me free.

It will help me to turn my back on life, my life...I would be no more, this prison that confines me, straps me to that chair, would be no more!

But then...then I thought...

what about my mum?

What about Aaron?

It hit me. It really hit me...and suddenly, just like that, my sorry eyes could see.

What would they do?

If somebody set my body on fire, would it set them free?

My thoughts began gathering momentum, epiphany after epiphany kept hitting me, my mind was working, although still lost, it began making sense.

I wouldn't be able to see his face anymore, I wouldn't get to feel his hands on my face, watch his fingers trail down my arms, capturing my hands in his.

Hear his pointless words about general stuff.

And listen intently, when he tries his best at deep and meaningful. When he tells me he loves me, and that I'm all he needs.

And I wouldn't be able to stare in wonder any more, at his smiling face, when I try to avoid the thought of that, maybe, just maybe...

I could be all he needs.

All these thoughts, all these processes in my head, feel so new because I haven't done them in what feels like forever...

'_So, where's your passion, where's your fire tonight?' _The man's words from my dream, kept turning over and over in my head.

Well, I'll tell you where...

.Here!

...

Yeah, I'm still broken, my body is still numb. But I never lost my life in that train crash.

I just lost my fight.

My life did not end when the train hit me...

Because I did not die!

The foundations of who I am are still here, they have just lost their way.

And yeah, my life will always be hard, it will never be what I want.

But if Steve can do it, so can I, Right?

His wife looks happy, he still makes her smile, I've seen it, I've seen her smile.

And I still make Aaron smile, sometimes. When I let my defences down, and I stop losing myself in the past. Cracking one of my jokes about me dribbling when we went for a meal a while ago, he lapped it up, and I enjoyed seeing him that way, knowing I still had what it takes to make him grin from ear to ear.

I will go tomorrow, With Aaron to the coast, and I will try.

I will fake it if necessary, I will make it my life's mission to never, ever put him through anymore pain, he's still only a teenager and he has already been through so much that most people don't go through in a life time!

But one day, one day I will get through, and stop this pain I feel, and I won't ever need to fake a smile again.

When Joe comes around to get me ready in the morning, I will ask him to put me in touch with a counsellor, get me some proper help.

I want this...I want this so bad now.

I want to be the happy go lucky, Mr dependable, Mr little miss sunshine I always was, and always have been deep inside, it just needs to come back to the surface.

And it will...

The man in my dream is right, I can do this...I really can.

I cheated death.

Now I'm going to steal life, I'm going to take back my life

"Camera Off...Computer Shutdown"

The end

_***Because the best, really shouldn't die young***_


End file.
